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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096816">To Sleep, Perchance to Dream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_effie/pseuds/ellie_effie'>ellie_effie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Baby Names, F/M, Fluff (?), Lots of Crying, Post-Canon, Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC, Spoilers, but super emotional, it's a baby fic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:54:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,365</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25096816</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellie_effie/pseuds/ellie_effie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of Trespasser, Lavellan gives birth to Solas's baby. It doesn't show (and I honestly think it's not that important) when the conception happened. But there are many excellent smutty fics of them getting it on after the DLC, so I went with that. ;) </p>
<p>Because of the choice he made, he can't be with her to raise their child and it leaves him heartbroken. So he settles for taking the "night shifts" in secret.</p>
<p>Notes in the end.<br/>First work ever published here, hope you enjoy! :)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Inquisitor &amp; Solas, Female Lavellan/Solas, Fen'Harel (Dragon Age)/Original Elvhen Character(s), Fen'Harel | Solas/Female Lavellan, Lavellan &amp; Solas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>To Sleep, Perchance to Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Solas stepped out of the eluvian, each step he took was silent yet confident. He knew exactly where he was going, and was sure no one would dare to stop him. If they do, well... he didn’t wish to harm them, but he had an important task to do that night. He walked towards the familiar tower, like he had done many nights before. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But once his hand was on the doorknob, his stance shifted. He opened the door slowly, looking into the bedroom that mother and son share. The confident prowl turned into careful small steps not to wake either of them. Practically tiptoeing, he crossed the distance between the door and the small wooden crib next to the bed. He doesn’t allow himself to even glance at her, but he heard her breathing calmly, sleeping.   </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Reaching the crib, he looked down to the baby with adoring eyes, gazing at his tiny hand clutched on the covers and his pointy ears coming out of his knitted beanie. He is sound asleep, and for a brief moment Solas wondered what babies dream about. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he picked his son up, Solas was careful to wrap his blankets around his small body. Cradling the baby on his left arm, his right hand patting softly on his small round belly, he sat on the chair by the glass doors. The same chair his mother uses to sit back and feed him before bedtime. He knows it even if he’s never seen it, because the chair smells like milk and faintly of her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The chair creaked with his weight and the baby seemed to notice he’s no longer comfortable in his crib as he starts to fuss. Lavellan, however, is still asleep in bed. He won’t disturb her, he won’t anger her. She has been carrying most of the duties of their child alone, she deserves to rest. That’s what Solas tells himself, when in reality he doesn't want his resolve to falter if he ever looks her in the eye again. The smell and the warmth of their son’s life is already a big enough temptation. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The baby started to move around, stretching his arms and legs to try to loosen up the wrapping his father had made. Still half-asleep, he frowned and started to gurgle.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Shh, shh!- Solas gently rocked him and whispered -It’s only papa, my love.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The  baby seemed to ignore his father’s gentle words as his gurgling was growing into a crying sound.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Hush, love! You will wake your mother if you cry. Here…- He rocked the baby from side to side, trying to calm him. -There’s no need to cry now. Papa is here. -He repeated it, more to himself- Papa is here.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Still crying, the baby finally freed his arm and started squirming around, clearly upset to have been woken up in the middle of the night. To distract him, Solas wiggled one end of his wolf pelt above his head. It took him some time to calm down, but eventually the baby slowly quit his crying and opened his eyes. After some time, when his eyes met his fathers’, Solas used his index and his thumb to hold his hand, and looked at his son adoringly. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-You look so much like her… -He smiled for the first time since he walked into their bedroom. -You will grow up strong and brave, son.   </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas stood up and opened the glass doors to the balcony. He continued to rock him and paced around, overlooking the Frostback Mountains. The baby was calmer now, thankfully. Several minutes went by, and Solas was content just to watch his cooing baby suck on his own thumb. Yet he couldn't linger: last time he had been there, he took his time changing his nappies and  had to rush out before he was caught by one of the servants of the castle.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Now, let’s see!- careful not to speak too loud, Solas straightened his back as best as he could with the baby safely wrapped on his arm, and the child’s attention spiked (or at least Solas wanted to believe it did). -Where did we stop? Oh yes, the young Dalish hunter had lied to his Keeper about killing the great bear. He had been very naughty, indeed: one should never lie, son, especially to those who care for us. But his Keeper was wise and he knew that the story the hunter wove could not be true, so he decided to teach the boy a lesson. He invited the hunter to join him in on a trip to the depths of the Kocari Wilds--</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-From what I remember of that story-Solas felt a shiver down his spine, but Lavellan’s voice was calm and warm. Enthralled by his baby's undivided attention (and his own storytelling), he hadn't heard her rise from the bed. Without turning his back, he could tell that she was standing at the door behind him- the Dalish Keeper had taken the hunter to the Brecilian Forest. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Clutching the baby little harder onto his chest, Solas collected himself before speaking in a neutral voice: </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Ah, I witnessed this exchange a long time ago, perhaps I am mistaken.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Perhaps your memory is failing you already, vhenan.- she said with a chuckle. He didn’t dare to turn around and  look at her, but he heard her lean against the glass door to watch them. One of the words she spoke echoing in his head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Vhenan</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Nonetheless,- it was clear by his voice that his neutral facade was cracking- he seems to like my stories.- He didn’t try to hold back his smile when his son cooed and grabbed his father’s finger.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-He and I both…- he could hear in her voice that she was on the verge of tears, but couldn’t think of anything to say that would placate her sorrows, nor his. Solas kept his eyes on their baby, rocking him so he wouldn’t start crying again. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-What did you name him?- Solas asked in a husky voice, stroking his thumb over the baby’s cheek.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Ta’sahmal.- she said, and Solas’ smile was filled with love and bliss. Of course she would choose an elven name, following the old tradition, a name that carried meaning firstly evoked by the child. Her reference didn’t go unnoticed: a laughter, shared by three.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-That’s a beautiful name, and befitting. Our da’len truly is a luminous source of joy.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He heard her take short steps in his direction, but didn’t motion away from her. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Everyone around here calls him Sam, though, they say it’s too big a name for a babe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-You should insist on them calling him by his full name, vhenan. Names carry meaning into one’s life. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-True. And what do you call him?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Solas inhaled the sweet smell of his son before answering.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Boranehn.- As the name his mother had given, Solas chose the elven words to express what the child evoked in him. His lost joy: the loss of his love, his family, the life that could have been.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then it was her turn to take a deep breath. Behind his back, she raised her hand to him, but on a second thought, dropped it to her side. She spoke slowly, as if explaining both to herself and to them, father and son:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-I noticed that some mornings Ta’sahmal wakes up differently. He is clean and fed, yes, but also calm and happy. As if he had had the best night of sleep of his life. And on other days, he is fussy, restless, crying for something I simply can’t give him.- Her voice cut off and she held back the tears. Solas pursed his lips, but didn't close his eyes. As much as he needed to hear her say it, he couldn’t bear to miss one of their son’s tiniest of movements. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lavellan continued:</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-And then one night I had the most beautiful dream. We were here, together, and you were cleaning him with a wet cloth. He looked so happy, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. You were telling him about a time you were in the Fade and saw three elven children playing with a baby halla. How they shrieked with glee when the baby halla chased after them, how they picked up spindleweeds from a stream nearby to decorate the halla’s antlers... - Solas remembered that story, and he remembered telling that story to distract the baby during bath time. It had happened weeks before. -And then I started having similar dreams often. The nights I didn’t dream of the wolf following me through the forests of my youth, I dreamt of you here, rearing our son with me.- She chuckled lightly.- It took me longer than I care to admit to realise that only one of those was an actual dream.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-And when you realised I was actually here, you said nothing. Why was that?- Solas sounded surprised and wounded at the same time. This was far from what he had expected: all those nights quietly sneaking in and out of their bedroom, daunted by the thought she would wake up. And now she was awake and he was once again consumed by the thought “What if…?”. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-I couldn’t bear to separate him from his father, Solas.- she whimpered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He finally looked at her. Tears of love and sadness were streaming down her face, but  her smile didn’t falter when their eyes finally met. Even in the dim light, she was every bit as beautiful as he remembered, more beautiful if that was even possible. She had aged, so her fierceness was even more apparent. Motherhood clearly became her: like Herald and later on Inquisitor, she took the title with pride but made it her own. And yet, she was still the same woman he had pulled in for a kiss on that very balcony years ago. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-To tell you the truth, I had a very selfish reason to not pretend to be asleep tonight.- she said, her voice marred by tears. -Ta’sahmal gets to see you, he gets to hear your stories, to be with you. In the morning, he smells of you.  I… started to resent him for that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Tears fell from her eyes, but she smiled. He finally took a swift step in her direction, all purposiveness he had honed all those years had suddenly vanished. He halted in shock when she held a raised hand to him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-You can’t come anymore, Solas.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>If he hadn’t been holding Boranehn, he might have dropped on his knees before her right then and there. He started shaking, and the baby fussed on his arms in response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Why?- the word was not spoken but breathed out in a deep, sharp pain. His fingers tangled in the baby’s blankets, his grip tightening.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-It’s dangerous, they’ll eventually see you, they’ll know, I don’t know what they’ll do to you.- she was sobbing but her words were firm, giving him no room to retort.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-I believe I’m fairly able to protect myself…- he said in a dark tone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Her breath was caught in her throat and she gave him a sharp, steely look through her tears. He had chosen the wrong thing to say. Tense seconds went by and when she finally spoke, her voice was clear and firm.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-However this ends, Solas, I can assure you there will be nobody standing between you and I.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She finally crossed the distance between them and stared him in the eye. He noticed that the left sleeve of her robe had been sewn shut above the elbow, and he felt an unwelcome pang in his chest. She stood a few centimetres before him, closer than safety would allow, and he waited to see what she would do. To his surprise, she reached up her remaining hand and lightly touched his cheek.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Or you could come back inside with us… - she whispered, and that pang in Solas’s chest spasmed and he let his shoulders drop -Put him back to sleep, wake up tomorrow here, with your family. And stop this madness.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She leaned forward, her mouth searching for his. His lips brushed on hers, and before Solas had time to think it through, he drew her close to kiss her and she laced her arm around his neck. They came together as tightly and as fiercely as they could without crushing the baby between them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When they were both panting, he mustered the courage to step back from her. Solas looked at her in agonizing exasperation, and Lavellan knew. Once again she had pleaded, and once again he had made the same choice. He took a deep breath and held his chin high, then held out Ta’sahmal to her and she wrapped their son in her arm. Solas reached his hand to help her, but she managed to cradle him just fine.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Lavellan’s eyes were fixed on Ta’sahmal, but Solas could see that they were dry. He bent down and kissed the top of  his baby’s head.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Atisha, da’vhenan.- Solas whispered to him, and Ta’sahmal whimpered in response.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When he looked up, Lavellan was staring at him intently and mouthed “Ma emma lath”. He brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear, and his words echoed on the cobblestones of the balcony once more.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-Ar lath ma, vhenan.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Without any apparent hesitation, Solas marched back to the eluvian as Ta’sahmal resumed crying. His mother sang him a lullaby, but it took him long minutes to fall back to sleep. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When the dawn broke, Lavellan was wide awake in her chair, reading reports as the baby napped inside his crib. She knew she wouldn’t tell her comrades of what happened that night, afraid that they would search for the eluvian Solas used to come back to Skyhold. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Meanwhile, back in his fortress, Solas was ordering his garrison to raid another elven ruin in the Emerald Graves. On the back of his mind, however, he was wondering if Ta’sahmal would like to hear the story of the Dalish elf who was too bold when exploring an ancient elven ruin and ended his days as ghoul during the Fifth Blight.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ELVHEN TERMS</p>
<p>Tan= three<br/>Samahl = laugh<br/>Boranehn = lost joy<br/>Da'len = little child, little one<br/>Vhenan = heart (a term of endearment)<br/>Ar lath ma, vhenan. = I love you, my heart.<br/>Atisha, da’vhenan. = Peace, little heart.<br/>Ma emma lath. = You are my love</p></blockquote></div></div>
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